DRAWING CONCLUSIONS: AGNOSTIC COLLEGE STUDENT
1. What is your religious background?
Catholic. My parents put me in a Catholic school up until second grade. And then when we moved to New Jersey, I went to public school, but I got my confirmation in 7th grade. My parents, grandparents, and maybe even great-grandparents were all Catholic.
2. Do you currently practice a religious faith? If not, why?
No. We eventually stopped going to the Catholic Church because they [our particular congregation] changed priests, and the new guy was really demanding and overbearing for us. So my family just kind of drifted away from it. I just never chose to go back.
As a child growing up, you’re thrown into the Catholic private school and you believe everything they’re telling you and all the sudden you move, and teachings are different. It was confusing. It made me question it.
3. What comes to mind when you think about God?
I don’t have a good answer. It’s hard for me to think of something because I still don’t know if God exists. I recognize that there’s another power, but I don’t know what I believe it is. [More specifically] I don’t know if I believe there’s a God who controls everything. I do believe there’s something, but I don’t know if it’s an individual. But I lean more toward that than nothing.
[As a child, I thought of God as being] smart and powerful, who has a plan for everything. That we should trust that everything is going to be alright because He would bring good from whatever is negative.
I hope God exists. I hope there’s a reason for things that happen. I feel like it would be more comforting in dealing with bad things in your life.
I’ve always just pushed it away. I’ve never tried to figure it out.
4. What comes to mind when you think about Satan?
I think of a cartoon. I guy with red [tights] holding a pitchfork. If there is no God, there would also be no Satan, but there can be a God without Satan. My belief in Satan is weaker than my belief in God.
[My childhood understanding of Satan] was that in every situation there is a good and a bad. The bad relates to Satan and the good relates to God. We have a choice which one to follow. If you were good you’d go to Heaven, and if you weren’t good you’d go to Hell.
I understood Satan’s role as nagging you to do bad, but you had to fight against it and make good decisions. {laugh} Like the whole angel on one shoulder and devil on the other.
5. What comes to mind when you think about Heaven?
Another cartoon. Clouds in the atmosphere. Sometimes I hope – like when there’s a death in the family – I hope that they’re in a better place. But I don’t know if I believe. It’s more of a hopeful thing.
[I hope Heaven is] relaxing, where your soul is at peace with itself. I don’t know if I believe it’s a different location. I believe that, maybe, when a person dies, their spirit can still be with you. Like a part of them that stays and protects you and kind of guides you. Sometimes I feel like I can sense [the presence of] people who have died.
I was brought up to believe that Heaven is a literal place. I have no idea what people would do all day in Heaven. I guess you’d just hang out with everyone else who is there.
[Today] I think when a person dies, that’s it, there’s nothing. It’s scary to think about what it would be like to not exist. That’s why I hope there is something after.
6. What comes to mind when you think about Hell?
I don’t think it exists. If you had asked me as a child, I would have thought of fire underground. I always thought evil people would go there. But I remember thinking as a kid, that every little thing could send you to Hell. [The Catholic Church] was kind of hinting that these little mistakes – that didn’t necessarily make you a bad person – would each be one more strike against you. I was really paranoid when I was little.
I admit, the absence of Heaven and Hell can cause people to stop trying to do good to others. It can also cause people to go crazy and wild, since they have nothing to live for, they might as well do whatever they want [without consequence]. I do see the value in believing.
7. What comes to mind when you think about the Bible?
I don’t know much about it, so I can’t really say. I’ve never looked into it. I mean, I’ve been told it is historically accurate, but I don’t know if that’s been proven.
I guess people think of the Bible as a guide.
I’m kind of skeptical. It seems like people worship the Bible, and I’m not sure why. I don’t know if I believe it’s possible that someone died and came back.
8. What comes to mind when you think about Jesus?
I think of the last supper and about him on the cross. I believe he was a real person in history. I think he was a good person. I can’t think of anything he taught. I don’t think people could have just made him up.
I don’t believe Jesus founded Christianity. My view is that a bunch of Catholic people think you just need to follow Jesus’ example. I think Christianity just formed, as people looked at Jesus and concluded how we’re supposed to act. Like, Jesus became the standard we’re supposed to live up to, by which we’ll be judged.
9. What comes to mind when you think about the purpose of life?
Probably happiness. To improve. I feel like a lot of people don’t do anything. They just go with the flow. I feel like that’s a waste.
Some people want an education to improve. Some people want to take a hobby. To make a difference and not be selfish.
I don’t know my purpose. I’m still trying to find things that make me happy. I’m getting better though. You first have to figure out what you want you believe before you can be satisfied with it. Otherwise, you’re always just searching and never getting anywhere.
It’s kind of frustrating to not have confidence in knowing my purpose.
10. On a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being no confidence, and 10 being complete confidence), how would you rate the level of confidence you have that your beliefs (regarding questions 3-9) are accurate?
Like a 1. Because I’m just all over the place. There’s always things that are conflicting. Just when I think one way, then… I don’t have enough information to make a decision. It is possible to have more confidence in time. I have to do something about it. Because I’ve always just not thought about it.
11. What would you say have been the biggest obstacles in your search for truth?
Like, what’s brought on by doubt? I guess, just a bunch of people’s claims conflicting. That made me not accept what everyone was telling me. It made me question it.
I don’t necessarily know if I believe that people have to act a certain way. [My experiences with] the Catholic Church made me back away from that idea. They were so strict with certain things. They had a superiority complex. It was almost like they were at the top, above everyone else. Individuals were saying you have to act a certain way and do certain things; and they weren’t even doing them.
I think if I had had a different experience, I’d be at a difference place in life. My experiences really turned me away.
12. How would you describe the ideal setting for discovering truth?
To me, I feel like I have to have some sort of thing that just clicks. Some sort of proof or experience that makes sense. I don’t know what to do about it. Or to make myself believe it. Or figure out what I believe.
An ideal setting would involve other people I could talk to about it. People I can trust. A good book would help too. Different books from different perspectives, to see what makes sense to me.
13. Hypothetically, if all your questions had answers that pointed to God as the Creator and Jesus as God’s Son, what would you do about it?
I’d probably feel really guilty that I even questioned it. I’d be apologizing. I would change my actions. I would probably want to tell younger kids, because that’s when I was so confused. I would want to help them so they wouldn’t turn away like I did.
If I came to believe in God, I would want to live a life consistent with that belief.
14. Hypothetically, if you were to stand before God today, how would you feel about meeting Him?
I’d be confident, because I feel like, overall, I’m a good person. I don’t purposefully hurt people. I want the best for others. I would say that I was trying. But I still think God would be disappointed in me. {cry}
15. Is there anything you’re afraid you would have to change or give up if you were to become a Christian?
I don’t believe so.
16. If you could ask God one question, what would it be?
“Why are there so many religions that claim to be true?”
17. If you could ask 1,000 Christians one question, what would it be?
“Why do you believe Christianity is the true way to God?”
18. Would you be interested in participating in an Investigative Faith Study at your convenience?
Probably, because I don’t like where I’m at with it right now.
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